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This is Pee-Wee Herman

Written by Duarte Castelo Grande de Carvalho (dcgc)


Pee-Wee is the owner of the playhouse and his pals who surround him because they are idiots who need to finish high school so they can go work at the factory or at the local mom n’ pop shop. He is a zany, childlike fellow with a pomaded crew-cut, a hipster moustache (when it grows because he can’t grow beard any longer), a too-small gray suit to show his shallow professionalism, a ridiculous bow-tie to hide his whiteness, a high, nasal and squeaky voice due to his lack of manhood, and a frenzied manner to compensate for his psychological issues of jacking off in a porn theater and being addicted to World of Warcraft when he was growing up. His playhouse boasts oddball characters of all sorts (both at the school and at the academy) and talking furniture that he likes to lean or seat on because he wants to be treated like a king. He also likes to ride his bike everywhere (don’t let it get stolen!) and cook, whipping up such delights as White Ice Cream Soup (he savours it).

Pee-Wee has a cartoon-like way of speaking and a joyful presentation, but deep inside is a shady and obnoxious character with a lot of ill intentions inside of him, that as lost the shine with time and gets where he his through friendship with the right shady people. Any attempt from him at addressing you or others, he tries to sway all the favour to his side, play his moves so that the outcome benefits him. If that means turning everyone else against you, he will do it. There are no remorses and no regrets from him, if he needs to step on anyone, he will. He needs to be on top of the game and on top of the people he envies and hates the most, especially people that cast a shadow on him. If he commits mistakes, he can’t own them as it will damage his ego and reputation. He always needs to be right, be correct with his affirmations and be the person with the ultimate truthful answer. He always puts a smile and pretend that everything he has done is alright and that there are no consequences.

Pee-Wee hurts, damages and destroys what others achieve and their chances of it. When reminded of the things he did (directly or inadvertantly), he ignores and makes believe that those actions were irrelevant and were part of the course for him, with a huge smile. Pee-wee likes to think of himself as a godlike figure, but in the grand scheme of things, is just grandiose. We all face characters as these, but from my experience, he takes the throne and is probably the exarcebated example of such an individual.

Don’t be like Pee-Wee Herman:

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